The Horror, The Horror​.​.​.

by Urban Legends

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released April 27, 2013



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Urban Legends Dublin, Ireland

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Track Name: The Babysitter and The Man Upstairs
Here's a story and it's true.
I heard it from the cousin of a friend of a girl I once knew.
A quiet everyday neighborhood
Just like you would see, at any time in any place or on your T.V.
A classical beauty, she's barely nineteen.
She's minding two children, they're already asleep.
The parents of the children said they wouldn't be too long.
"There's food in the fridge,
make yourself at home,
here's the number of the restaurant
in case anything goes wrong."
They stuck it to the fridge and with that they were gone.
The couch is comfortable,
she flicks on T.V.
She's grazing on popcorn and the movie begins.
How inconsiderate, when the phone rings.
She tuts and sighs and flicks her hair and gets up and answers, that's how it begins.
Hello, this is 555431982
You've reached the Walton residence, how may I help you?
No answer is forthcoming in fact all that she hears is a rasping, rattling, wheezing, scratching at her ears.
"Have you checked on the children?"
It's late at night now and she's terrified.
Phone hasn't stopped ringing,
He keeps moaning and groaning,
same old whispers same old sighs.
She picks up the receiver,
Dials 999.
Police, can I help you?.
And she starts to cry.
She tells them what's been happening,
They say they'll put a trace, on the mysterious caller the voice without a face.
They spring into action down in the P.D and she sits there waiting and thinking about
the children.....
Melissa, rest your head the children are all safe in bed
And though the wind may howl, suggestive lunar shadows on the ground.
You're safe inside, so ease your mind
There's nothing to worry about.
You're safe inside so ease your mind.....
there's nothing to worry about.
Back at the station the detective's on the line
he's trying to keep her calm, didn't think she'd pick up this time.
His assistant comes running says "I've got something for you, the calls are coming from 555431982!
Track Name: Shanghai Organ Harvest Incorporated
When you're rolling down the strip in old Shanghai.
Got a hunger in your veins, poppy in your eye.
You can see the dragon rising in the neon lights.
The booze, the broads the bigtime just ain't doin' you right.
Right there in the doorway there's a pretty young thing, sees it in your eyes sees it on your skin.
Just a little sweet talking and you're already in, back up to your neck in the sweet smell of sin, sin.....
Since you been in town you ain't seen a gram,
Times been tough since you been on the lamb.
All around the room glassy eyes turn to you and you might just get to thinking that the rumors are true,
Discount organs
Discreet operations
Backstreet abortions
Anonymous donations
Experimental procedures
Collect at your leisure
Kidneys and hearts
And that's just the start
It's the Shanghai organ harvest incorporated.
Dee, dee, deep in the belly with the scum and the bile
that long pair of legs slaps you with a smile, shimmies on over pulls up a seat, can't tell what she's saying but them cans is a treat, tree,
three times already, you lit up that pipe call the bartender 'cos your thirst's getting ripe.
If you're gonna drink the nectar keep your eyes on the scene 'cos there's more going on if you know what I mean.
Meanwhile you're feeling dizzy your head starts to spin, what was in that drink did she put something in?
Your legs go from under you the floor hits your chin helpless and unconscious you just found yourself in a world of
Discount organs
Discreet operations
Backstreet abortions
Anonymous donations
Experimental procedures
Collect at your leisure
Kidneys and hearts
And that's just the start
It's the Shanghai organ harvest incorporated.
Why am I here in this bathtub full of ice? I feel liverless and they've taken my eyes
I wish I'd a-listened
Wish I'd a-took heed.
They may take your kidney or even your nose
ain't nothing sacred anything goes.
I heard all the warnings
I did not believe.
If you find yourself jonesing down Shanghai way.
Looking for some action and you're able to pay.
There in the shadows there in the grime
They'll strip you for parts in double quick time.
Discount organs
Discreet operations
Backstreet abortions
Anonymous donations
Experimental procedures
Collect at your leisure
Kidneys and hearts
And that's just the start.
The legs of a cat
the eyes of a snail
The nose of a rat
the belly of a whale
We got special deals
replace your feet with wheels
lungs going cheap a new spine in a week (these prices won't keep)
rhinoceros horns a rosebush's thorns
tarantula's ears a sea urchin's tears.
With our loyalty card you can get a free heart makes a great christmas gift heal your emotional rift.
If you buy two today
for six months you don't pay
no money down while you're still in town
but the next time you're here you'll know that we're near,
we'll come take our fee ain't nothing for free
We're the Shanghai organ harvest incorporated.
Track Name: Big Clown Shoes
This will sound familiar to the connoisseur, of tales of urban lore.
There’s two parents getting ready to go out for the night, here’s a babysitter
knocking at the door. They’ve got some instructions for her before they leave
they tell her what time they’ll be back. She can watch T.V upstairs if she likes
‘cos the one downstairs is out of whack.
The hour is getting late, children rest their weary heads. Time to relax.
Stretched out on the parents bed, ‘midst the clutter stacked up in the corner
of the room, something seems out of place. There’s a half man grease-painted
harlequin with the smile of a ragdoll jester’s face.
And the whole scene is quite unsettling she’s got chills from the dwarf
clown’s stare she can’t quite seem to get comfortable knowing, it’s sitting
right over there. She glances back and forth ‘tween the face and the screen,
but she can’t be sure, was that a twitch or a wink or the blink of an eye or is
her mind playing tricks on her?
Meanwhile at a restaurant all the way across town the main course was
divine. They’re sitting there sipping lovingly on their second bottle of wine.
And the waiter comes with a phone call. They think, “Oh god, what now?”
It’s the babysitter asking if she can move or cover up the statue of the half
grown clown. And they say: “Melissa, what do you mean!? There’s nothing
like that in our house!” And the babysitter screams.
Now they’re driving home, and it comes on the news about the escaped
midget serial killer in big clown shoes. Big clown shoes.
Track Name: Tiny Handprints
With the dusk all settled. ‘long a lonely country road. Near a railroad crossing,
and a ghostly wind is blowing. With his eyes grown heavy he slips back
through the gears. And she’s stirring slightly, is that a signal that she hears?
Sleep overtakes him and the world begins to spin. They’re left unconscious
train tracks underneath them.
The whistle blows the engine screams, train’s a rollin’ through. They’re both
knocked out, they’re trapped inside. There’s nothing they can do. They’re
roused by the blinding lights panic’s setting in, when all at once the car it
moves and they’re safe on the road again.
Train rolls on behind them. Engine’s howl is a distant din. Hearts all a poundin’.
Don’t know what just happened then. And they calm down and drive
on, looking for a place to rest. At a nearby diner all the locals say they’re
blessed. And they tell them a story ‘bout that same spot on the tracks. And a
school bus full of children, must’ve been ‘bout ten years back.
The driver he was panicking, pounding at the stick train was coming rumbling,
he shouted “GET OUT, QUICK!” But the door was locked the brakes
were jammed the bus, it wouldn’t move, so many lives snuffed out that day
so much for this town to lose.
Every now and then a stranger comes by and tells a story always the same,
‘bout a car that’s stranded on the tracks and a close call with an oncoming
train. They’ve no idea how they survived, and you decide who to trust. But
they all spoke of tiny handprints on the back of the car in the dust.
Tiny handprints give you a push. Tiny handprints in the dust.
Track Name: The Horror, The Horror
Say bloody Mary three times in a mirror
over your shoulder she will appear.
A man eating snake lies alongside your bed
sizing you up from your toes to your head.
Mysterious statues in graveyards delight when naive wanderers come spend the night.
Chased down dark roads by a madman with dread. He's not trying to harm you but to warn you instead. Of the killer in the backseat, waiting to strike, and you didn't know it but he's been there all night.
The sound of blood dripping on the roof of your car.
A hook handed killer waits in the dark.
A blood written message left in the night, "Aren't you glad you didn't turn on the light?".
A lick from your dog reassures you, but have you forgotten that people lick too?.
These stories and more are waiting for you, to curdle your blood and scare you right through.
Just where they come from has never been clear, narrative telling of deep rooted fears
Tales of the macabre and the evils men do, get under your skin and terrify you. With their innocent victims they're partially true, they serve as a warning it could happen to you.....
It could happen to you, it could happen to you.
It could happen when you least expect it.
It could happen to you.
It happened to a cousin of mine.
It could happen to you.
It could happen to you.
Every time you close your eyes or go outside.
It could happen to you.
It could happen to you.
If it happened to them.....
It could happen to you.....